Monday, April 29, 2013
Whoa...
It takes a lot of patience for me not to completely break down right now. Today was so hard for me, each day seems like a new reason for me to give up and I don't even know why. I really need to distance myself from everything right now and focus on me and that's what I plan on doing the next couple of days.
Sunday, April 28, 2013
Only worry about things you can control
So a lot has changed when it comes to my way of thinking the past couple of days. I have been thinking about my upcoming move, which is happening in 13 days. In one way I'd rather just get it over with, but in another sense I am glad that I do have a little time to wrap things up here.
To be honest, as excited as I am, it is extremely depressing to me. Ohio is all that I've ever been exposed to and this move is going to really affect me. I know my mind has been really good lately (particularly the past couple of years) and I hope that this change does not make me go back to the depressed state of mind I've experienced before. I know it sounds silly, but I really do think I need to see a shrink or a psychiatrist or whatever you call those people. I think it would really help with my social anxiety, which very few people really understand.
I don't know what the deal is, but the past few days, time has seemed to stay still. I know I will look back at this and realize how fast time is going, but it honestly feels like time is not moving.
I am grateful to have met a gorgeous girl over the past month or so. Her name is Kate and she is also a graduate student here at OSU. I know that it seems ridiculous and I am sure these feelings will fade, just as all my previous encounters with women have, but that girl drives me absolutely insane. I'm sure she doesn't feel the same at this point (and she may never), but that doesn't matter to me. Knowing that I have the opportunity to treat her like a princess makes my mind race. I've always been comfortable with my ability to meet women and more importantly treat women the right way, but there is something about her that I just know is different. I know it will probably come to an end as she will be in Ohio while I'm in Illinois, but I wish it wouldn't in the worst kind of way.
On that same note, one of my best friends and lab mate, Josh has recently informed me at my innate ability (in his mind) to forget women and end with them at the drop of a hat. If he only knew that is one of the things I struggle with the most. I have always been able to quit talking to particular girls quickly and not drag it out, but I credit that to two extreme qualities I have: 1) how quick and precise I am in making decisions and 2) in my mind I always think I deserve something better than what that broad had to offer. What Josh doesn't understand is how much it crushes my world when I have to tell a girl goodbye and how I never want to put myself in that position more than once with a girl.
To be honest, as excited as I am, it is extremely depressing to me. Ohio is all that I've ever been exposed to and this move is going to really affect me. I know my mind has been really good lately (particularly the past couple of years) and I hope that this change does not make me go back to the depressed state of mind I've experienced before. I know it sounds silly, but I really do think I need to see a shrink or a psychiatrist or whatever you call those people. I think it would really help with my social anxiety, which very few people really understand.
I don't know what the deal is, but the past few days, time has seemed to stay still. I know I will look back at this and realize how fast time is going, but it honestly feels like time is not moving.
I am grateful to have met a gorgeous girl over the past month or so. Her name is Kate and she is also a graduate student here at OSU. I know that it seems ridiculous and I am sure these feelings will fade, just as all my previous encounters with women have, but that girl drives me absolutely insane. I'm sure she doesn't feel the same at this point (and she may never), but that doesn't matter to me. Knowing that I have the opportunity to treat her like a princess makes my mind race. I've always been comfortable with my ability to meet women and more importantly treat women the right way, but there is something about her that I just know is different. I know it will probably come to an end as she will be in Ohio while I'm in Illinois, but I wish it wouldn't in the worst kind of way.
On that same note, one of my best friends and lab mate, Josh has recently informed me at my innate ability (in his mind) to forget women and end with them at the drop of a hat. If he only knew that is one of the things I struggle with the most. I have always been able to quit talking to particular girls quickly and not drag it out, but I credit that to two extreme qualities I have: 1) how quick and precise I am in making decisions and 2) in my mind I always think I deserve something better than what that broad had to offer. What Josh doesn't understand is how much it crushes my world when I have to tell a girl goodbye and how I never want to put myself in that position more than once with a girl.
Friday, April 26, 2013
Goodbye Ohio
Well it is coming to the point where my time in Ohio seems limited. It seems crazy that I have been here at tOSU for the good part of six years. I truly cherish my time here and the friendships I have made while being a student here.
I would be lying if I said I was anything but ecstatic about moving to Illinois. It will be the first time in my life I have lived anywhere but Ohio and should really test my faith and independence. I do not think this will be much of a test though, because as it has been pointed out I am a pretty independent person. Anyhow, a different scenery can certainly change people and that will be the big test...to stay true to myself and continue to do things that make me proud to be me.
It will be a great thing for me to move away so I can focus on my work and my goals. To be honest other than my family these are the things I want to be consumed with. I truly believe that I am the kind of person who is so competitive that when I commit myself to something it consumes me. Maybe this is why it is a good thing I don't have a ladyfriend, lol. But anyway I am really anxious to get started at Illinois and have hopes that the experience will be life changing and my next 3-4 years will make me a better person; as well as, a better scientist.
I would be lying if I said I was anything but ecstatic about moving to Illinois. It will be the first time in my life I have lived anywhere but Ohio and should really test my faith and independence. I do not think this will be much of a test though, because as it has been pointed out I am a pretty independent person. Anyhow, a different scenery can certainly change people and that will be the big test...to stay true to myself and continue to do things that make me proud to be me.
It will be a great thing for me to move away so I can focus on my work and my goals. To be honest other than my family these are the things I want to be consumed with. I truly believe that I am the kind of person who is so competitive that when I commit myself to something it consumes me. Maybe this is why it is a good thing I don't have a ladyfriend, lol. But anyway I am really anxious to get started at Illinois and have hopes that the experience will be life changing and my next 3-4 years will make me a better person; as well as, a better scientist.
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
Something worthwhile...
Today I turned in my thesis exam form, which is one of the final steps to graduating from the Ohio State University with a Master's degree. After which I sat on a bench at the oval to ponder on where I am currently in my life and what the last 5 and half years here at Ohio State has meant to me. I know it sounds extremely cliche to say how great and "life-changing" that it has been, but there have been ups and downs, good times and bad times for me. Now I realize, not everybody has the opportunity to go to the same school and department to receive more than one degree from it like I have. Along with this comes many advantages and challenges. But the people I have been able to get to work with and learn from is what I will miss the most.
The primary things that come to mind when I reflect on my experience is the opportunity to learn I was provided. Education is something that a person has to seek out and want, it is not given and a piece of paper or a couple lines on a resume sure as hell doesn't mean a person has an education.
I often wonder what it would be like if I had obligations/commitments to a significant other. Not that I don't want to girlfriend right now, but it sure would make for a lot of headaches and challenges right now. I look at how some of my closest friends and some of the great opportunities that they have set aside for this very reason. Not to sound prudent, but I can't say I envy being able to make my own life decisions on my terms. I know this is something that will change when I meet the lady that changes my world and thinking, but I do believe it's a process and finding a girl that wants to crack my crazy way of thinking is a challenge in of itself.
Finally, it is with much anticipation that I look forward to the next step in my process and development of not only a more "educated" individual, but also a more mature and wiser man.
The primary things that come to mind when I reflect on my experience is the opportunity to learn I was provided. Education is something that a person has to seek out and want, it is not given and a piece of paper or a couple lines on a resume sure as hell doesn't mean a person has an education.
I often wonder what it would be like if I had obligations/commitments to a significant other. Not that I don't want to girlfriend right now, but it sure would make for a lot of headaches and challenges right now. I look at how some of my closest friends and some of the great opportunities that they have set aside for this very reason. Not to sound prudent, but I can't say I envy being able to make my own life decisions on my terms. I know this is something that will change when I meet the lady that changes my world and thinking, but I do believe it's a process and finding a girl that wants to crack my crazy way of thinking is a challenge in of itself.
Finally, it is with much anticipation that I look forward to the next step in my process and development of not only a more "educated" individual, but also a more mature and wiser man.
Monday, March 25, 2013
Update on me
Hello,
I know it has been forever since I have updated this blog and it is something that I do need to start doing more often (for the shear reason of it really gives me an outlet when I tend to over-think circumstances and situations). Although I do not get the opportunity to reach out to many of my old friends and unfortunately it doesn't look like that will change any time soon. So I will try to update this on a more regular basis. I have goals of updating weekly if not more often.
So a few things that have been going on in my life:
-I successfully defended my master's degree thesis last week. When means that I will be graduating with my final degree (at least for now) from The Ohio State University. To say that the last year and half was anything short of a spectacular time would be a major understatement.
-I will be starting on a PhD degree at the University of Illinois in Urbana-Champaign in May. I will be doing similar research as a graduate assistant in their Meat Science and Muscle Biology Department.
-I cannot wait to get started in Illinois, although leaving my family wondering about my future certainly disappoints me. Especially my mom and pop who are truly the most important people in my life. Nonetheless, I am also really looking forward to a change of scenery, and believe it should really help me from a mental health standpoint.
-Surprisingly, I have been able to keep my head straight the last year and half, albeit because I've been so busy... I know I will definitely be tested over the next month or so and will rely on my lord and savior to help me keep my wits about me. It's hard to believe what a busy schedule will do to someone who has a hard time dealing with some things as I do.
-I recently heard from a few people who noted that I am extremely humble in certain situations. For me, this makes me extremely proud. I know I'm not the greatest at some things, but the things I can do well for myself, I do for the personal satisfaction, not to be praised by others.
-On an ending note, I truly believe in hard work paying off, however the difference between hard work and influential work is the unselfish attitude one uses when doing influential work and the success and recognition others receive from it. As I continue conducting research and living life I will strive to work influentially.
I know it has been forever since I have updated this blog and it is something that I do need to start doing more often (for the shear reason of it really gives me an outlet when I tend to over-think circumstances and situations). Although I do not get the opportunity to reach out to many of my old friends and unfortunately it doesn't look like that will change any time soon. So I will try to update this on a more regular basis. I have goals of updating weekly if not more often.
So a few things that have been going on in my life:
-I successfully defended my master's degree thesis last week. When means that I will be graduating with my final degree (at least for now) from The Ohio State University. To say that the last year and half was anything short of a spectacular time would be a major understatement.
-I will be starting on a PhD degree at the University of Illinois in Urbana-Champaign in May. I will be doing similar research as a graduate assistant in their Meat Science and Muscle Biology Department.
-I cannot wait to get started in Illinois, although leaving my family wondering about my future certainly disappoints me. Especially my mom and pop who are truly the most important people in my life. Nonetheless, I am also really looking forward to a change of scenery, and believe it should really help me from a mental health standpoint.
-Surprisingly, I have been able to keep my head straight the last year and half, albeit because I've been so busy... I know I will definitely be tested over the next month or so and will rely on my lord and savior to help me keep my wits about me. It's hard to believe what a busy schedule will do to someone who has a hard time dealing with some things as I do.
-I recently heard from a few people who noted that I am extremely humble in certain situations. For me, this makes me extremely proud. I know I'm not the greatest at some things, but the things I can do well for myself, I do for the personal satisfaction, not to be praised by others.
-On an ending note, I truly believe in hard work paying off, however the difference between hard work and influential work is the unselfish attitude one uses when doing influential work and the success and recognition others receive from it. As I continue conducting research and living life I will strive to work influentially.
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